dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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