the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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