Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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