i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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