I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
