My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize