I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
