The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
