One girl and one boy is just not enough.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
