shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
My bed is full of blood and feathers
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Randomize
