it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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