Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
