We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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