Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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