you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize