I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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