Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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