Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
