i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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