I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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