We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
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