Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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