I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
