if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
