Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
