Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
