What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Dicks are not precious.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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