I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
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