hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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