Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
