and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
