I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
