Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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