I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
