if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
