Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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