2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
