that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
