apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Randomize
