2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
why didn't you poke me back
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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