Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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