she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
