Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
True college students do jello shots in the library
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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