forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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