i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize