looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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