Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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