Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Dignity is for republicans.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
