You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
