nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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