I like to think it a success when the cops are called
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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