Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
