from now on my penis is your penis
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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