hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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