Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
