I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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