I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
