Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
if only i could text you this smell
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
