Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Randomize
