Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
