I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
