What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
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