dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
