He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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