I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
