so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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