I want to have your abortion
babies were throwing up all over the place
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Randomize
