I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
40s are totally the cure
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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