There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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