I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
