I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
